Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
