I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
