This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
