dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
