this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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