I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
