I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
