it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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