Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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