i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dick very happy bro
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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