I hope mine doesn't look like that
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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