shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
