She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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