my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
