Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
