just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
