he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
