We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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