just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize