Swine flu is the new snow day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
