Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
