I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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