I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
