I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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