I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
