it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
