I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
