you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
