Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
