You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
