So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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