clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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