im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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