Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
