Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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