Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
