its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
