I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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