i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
