If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
