So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
