Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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