my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
