You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
