Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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