Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
