when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
