The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
