there's paper in my vomit.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I want is dick and wine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
