Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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