mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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