I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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