sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
