you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
