they need to just BURY HIM!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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