I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
