This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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