dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
