I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
