she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
