I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
