Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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