you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
