I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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