Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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