he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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