Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
