i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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