How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
