thus making me awesome and them whores
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
