She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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