he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
