And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
